420 ftw
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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