There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
But we have bathrooms and they dont
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
