I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
