How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
