My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
