Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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