I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
