Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
