just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
