Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
