I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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