They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Randomize
