hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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