I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
