The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
