I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
