My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
