the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
