I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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