went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
