Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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