Define "chronic" masturbator.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
