Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
