I love black thongs
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
