Kiss
Puke
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
