His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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