Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
