I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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