how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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