Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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