If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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