Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
