I could have mohawked her pubes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
