Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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