I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Pants are for mortals
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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