and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
