I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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