peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
