I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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