just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
