she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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