Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
