none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
