you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
