all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
