we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
