can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
