He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
