apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
