This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
