He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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